THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO WRITING YOUR WEDDING VOWS
Your wedding vows are some of the most personal words you will ever speak.
And yet, sitting down to write them can feel surprisingly difficult.
After months of planning your wedding, you've probably talked about flowers, menus, music, photography, guest lists and timelines more times than you can count. But when someone asks you to put everything you feel about your partner into a few paragraphs, suddenly finding the right words can feel impossible.
The good news? Your vows don't need to be perfect.
They simply need to sound like you.
The most beautiful wedding vows aren't necessarily the most poetic. They're the ones that make your partner laugh, cry, look at you in that way only they can, and remember exactly why they chose you.
If you're wondering how to write your wedding vows, we've put together our guide to creating vows that feel personal, meaningful and completely authentic to your relationship.
01. MAKE A DATE OUT OF IT
Don't sit down at your laptop at 11pm the night before your vows are due and expect inspiration to arrive.
Instead, make an evening of it.
You've probably spent the past year planning your wedding, and chances are that almost every conversation you've had recently has somehow involved the wedding. It can be surprisingly difficult to step outside the logistics and remember the story you're actually celebrating.
Put the wedding planning aside for an evening.
Open a bottle of wine, order your favourite dinner and look through your old photographs together. Revisit the places you've travelled, the early days of your relationship and the completely ordinary moments that have somehow become your favourite memories.
Talk about where you started, where you are now and where you hope you're going.
Write down everything that comes to mind without worrying about whether it sounds good.
Once you stop trying to write your vows and simply start remembering your relationship, the words tend to come much more naturally.
02. START WITH THE LEGAL WORDING
If you're getting married in Australia, there is specific legal wording that must be included in your ceremony.
Your celebrant will guide you through the legal requirements, including the required declaration:
“I ask everyone here present to witness that I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawful wedded wife/husband.”
Once the legal component has been covered, your personal vows are where you can make the ceremony completely your own.
And this is often the point where couples experience writer's block.
Because suddenly, you can say anything.
There is no perfect formula. No prescribed number of jokes, promises or romantic declarations. Your vows can be funny, sentimental, poetic, conversational or a combination of all four.
The only rule we'd suggest is this:
Write something that sounds like you.
If you wouldn't normally say “You are the light of my soul,” you probably shouldn't start now.
03. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT THEM
One of the easiest ways to begin writing your wedding vows is to make a list.
Write down ten things you love about your partner.
Don't overthink it.
They might be profound:
They make me feel safe.
Or completely ordinary:
They always make sure I have the good side of the bed.
Those little details can be some of the most meaningful.
Once you've written your list, choose four or five things that feel most important to your relationship.
Try to be specific.
Instead of:
“I love how kind you are.”
Think about the moments that demonstrate their kindness.
Perhaps it's the way they always notice when you're overwhelmed. The way they make coffee before you wake up. The way they make your family feel like their own.
The details are what make your vows yours.
04. TELL A STORY
Your guests already know that you love each other.
What they don't necessarily know is why.
A short story is one of the most beautiful ways to bring your relationship to life during the ceremony.
Think about the first time you met. Your first date. The first trip you took together. The moment you realised this person was different.
It doesn't need to be an epic love story.
Sometimes the smallest memory says the most.
Perhaps you remember sitting across from them on your first date and realising you didn't want the evening to end.
Perhaps they made you laugh at exactly the moment you needed it.
Perhaps you knew they were the one when you realised they had become the first person you wanted to tell everything to.
Give your guests a glimpse into the story that brought you here.
And don't be afraid to make them laugh.
Some of the best wedding vows move effortlessly between humour and emotion.
05. THINK ABOUT THE IMPACT THEY'VE HAD ON YOUR LIFE
This is where your vows can move beyond simply describing the person you love.
Think about who you have become because of them.
How has your partner changed your life?
What have they taught you?
How do they make you feel when life is difficult?
What parts of yourself have they helped you discover?
Perhaps they gave you the confidence to pursue something you'd always been afraid of. Perhaps they taught you how to slow down. Perhaps they simply made ordinary life feel more joyful.
Try beginning with:
“Because of you…”
Then see what comes to mind.
Because of you, I...
Because of you, I learned...
Because of you, home feels like...
These are often the words your partner will remember long after the ceremony is over.
06. MAKE YOUR PROMISES
After reflecting on your relationship, think about the future.
This is, after all, the heart of a wedding vow.
What are you promising your partner?
You can make the traditional promises — to love, support and stand beside them — but don't be afraid to make them specific to your relationship.
Promise to make them coffee on Sunday mornings.
Promise to dance with them in the kitchen.
Promise to be there when life feels impossible.
Promise to keep choosing each other.
Promise to never take the ordinary days for granted.
The most meaningful promises aren't necessarily the grandest.
They're the ones your partner knows you will actually keep.
07. TALK ABOUT THE LIFE YOU'RE GOING TO BUILD TOGETHER
Your wedding day isn't just about everything that has happened so far.
It's the beginning of something else.
Think about what you're looking forward to.
Where do you hope you'll be in ten, twenty or thirty years?
What adventures do you want to have?
Where will you travel?
What will your home look like?
What traditions will you create?
Who will you become together?
Perhaps you dream about travelling the world together. Perhaps you can't wait to grow old in the house you've built. Perhaps your greatest hope is simply that, decades from now, you'll still be making each other laugh.
Give your partner something to look forward to.
Your vows can be a love letter to the life you haven't lived yet.
08. KEEP YOUR VOWS CONCISE
One of the hardest parts of writing wedding vows is knowing when to stop.
You could probably write an entire novel about the person you love. But your vows are being spoken during your ceremony, in front of your guests, and you want the words to have space to breathe.
A good starting point is around one to two minutes per person, although the ideal length will depend on your ceremony and what feels natural for you.
This is also something worth discussing together.
You don't need to share the actual words if you want to keep them a surprise, but agreeing on a rough length can prevent one person from writing three pages while the other writes three paragraphs.
And don't be tempted to fill the space simply because you've been given it.
If you've said everything you need to say in one minute, that's enough.
09. COMPARE YOUR WORD COUNT — WITHOUT SPOILING THE SURPRISE
You might not want your partner to read your vows before the wedding.
We completely understand.
But there is a very simple way to make sure your ceremony feels balanced without giving anything away: compare your word counts.
You don't need to share the content.
Simply make sure you're both roughly in the same range.
This means one person isn't speaking for five minutes while the other finishes in forty seconds — while still preserving the surprise of hearing the actual words for the first time at the altar.
10. ASK YOUR CELEBRANT FOR HELP
A great celebrant is an invaluable resource when you're writing your vows.
They've heard hundreds of ceremonies and understand what works in the context of a wedding. They can help you understand the legal requirements, suggest a structure and make sure your vows complement the rest of the ceremony.
Don't be afraid to ask for their advice.
Whether you're planning a traditional ceremony, an intimate elopement, a religious service or something completely unconventional, your celebrant can help you find the right balance.
WHAT SHOULD YOU INCLUDE IN YOUR WEDDING VOWS?
If you're staring at a blank page, start here.
Your wedding vows might include:
What you first noticed about your partner
A favourite memory from your relationship
The qualities you love most about them
Something they've taught you
The ways they've changed your life
A funny story or shared joke
The qualities you admire in them
Your promises for the future
The life you hope to build together
Why you're choosing them, today and always
You don't need to include all of these.
Choose the ones that feel most authentically yours.
HOW LONG SHOULD WEDDING VOWS BE?
There is no universal rule for how long wedding vows should be, but around one to two minutes is a good starting point for most ceremonies.
That's enough time to tell a meaningful story, share what you love about your partner and make a few heartfelt promises without allowing the moment to lose its intimacy.
If your vows are substantially longer, read them aloud and see how they feel.
Remember: your partner doesn't need every thought you've ever had about them.
They simply need the words that matter most.
SHOULD WEDDING VOWS BE FUNNY OR ROMANTIC?
They can be both.
In fact, some of the most memorable vows move between humour and genuine emotion.
A private joke can make your partner laugh. A story from your first date can make your guests smile. A sincere promise can bring everyone in the room to tears.
Don't try to manufacture emotion.
If you're naturally funny, let that come through. If you're sentimental, embrace it.
The best wedding vows sound like the person saying them.
SHOULD YOU WRITE YOUR WEDDING VOWS TOGETHER?
You can, but you don't have to.
Some couples prefer to write their vows independently so the words remain a surprise. Others decide on a loose structure together so the vows feel balanced.
There is no right approach.
If you're writing separately, agree on the approximate length and whether there are any topics you both want to include or avoid.
Then give each other the freedom to tell your own version of the story.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER
Don't try to write the perfect wedding vows.
Write your wedding vows.
Don't worry about sounding like a poet. Don't worry about making every sentence profound. Don't worry about whether your vows are as eloquent as someone else's.
Think about the person standing in front of you.
Think about the life you've already shared.
Think about the life you're about to build.
Then tell them what they mean to you.
Years from now, you probably won't remember whether every sentence was perfectly constructed.
But you'll remember the way they looked at you when they heard your words for the first time.
And that is what your vows are really about.
PLANNING YOUR WEDDING?
Your vows are only one small part of creating a wedding that feels completely your own.
At The Romance Era, we're drawn to celebrations that feel intentional rather than overproduced — where there's enough space in the day for genuine moments to unfold naturally.
From building your wedding timeline to choosing the right venue and planning your photography, thoughtful decisions before the day can make all the difference once it arrives.
Explore The Romance Era Journal for more wedding planning advice, inspiration and ideas.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
What should you say in your wedding vows?
Your wedding vows should reflect your relationship and the promises you want to make to your partner. You might include a favourite memory, what you love about them, how they have changed your life, the qualities you admire most, your promises for marriage and what you're looking forward to experiencing together.
How long should wedding vows be?
Aim for approximately one to two minutes when spoken aloud. This is generally long enough to tell a meaningful story and make your promises without making the ceremony feel unnecessarily long. The most important thing is that both partners' vows are roughly similar in length.
How do you start writing wedding vows?
Start by taking the pressure off yourself. Spend some time remembering your relationship, either alone or together. Look through old photographs, revisit favourite memories and write down everything you love about your partner without worrying about how it sounds. Once you've gathered your thoughts, choose the memories and feelings that matter most and begin shaping them into your vows.
What are some good wedding vow ideas?
Good wedding vows often include a personal story, the qualities you love most about your partner, a description of how they have influenced your life, meaningful promises for your marriage and hopes for your future together. Specific details and memories usually make vows more personal than generic romantic statements.
Should wedding vows be funny?
Absolutely. Humour can make wedding vows feel natural and personal, particularly when it reflects your relationship. A funny story, private joke or playful promise can work beautifully alongside more emotional moments. The key is to make sure the humour feels authentic to you rather than forcing jokes into your vows.
Can you write wedding vows together?
Yes. Some couples write their vows completely independently while others agree on a structure, length or themes before writing separately. If you want to keep the actual vows a surprise, you can simply agree on an approximate word count and discuss any important elements you both want to include.
What promises should you make in wedding vows?
Your promises can be traditional or completely personal. Think about the kind of partner you want to be throughout your marriage. You might promise to support their dreams, make them laugh, stand beside them during difficult seasons, continue making time for adventure or simply keep choosing them throughout your life together.
Do wedding vows have to be poetic?
Not at all. The most meaningful wedding vows don't necessarily use beautiful or elaborate language. They sound like the person saying them. Speaking honestly and specifically about your relationship is far more important than trying to sound poetic.
Can you read your wedding vows from a piece of paper?
Yes. There is absolutely no requirement to memorise your vows. Reading from a card or piece of paper can actually help you stay present and avoid losing your place when emotions take over. Your celebrant can also help you decide how you'd like your vows presented during the ceremony.
